Poems from 2007

You May Know Who You Are

i'm not sure whats going on.
since what went down did
you emailed me once
i told you i'd me be there for you
and you haven't returned my calls
i know you are hurting
in immense pain
but you know i will be there for you
just the same
thank god i wasn't the last to know
as usual i would have been
but now you aren't talking to me
and i'm not sure why
probably when you're ready
you will call and lay things down
so they won't burden you quite as bad
as keeping them to yourself would do
i know it is out of character
for you to spill your guts
but there was a time when you did
just in a different way
so when you are ready
call me and i'll be there
cuz i've been there all along
even though we have separate lives
i know you need your friends

Chris

i'm gone
what're you doin
now
you're probably
moping
sleeping
with you're clothes
on
and who
knows
what else
smoking
speed
till
you're so numb
you forget
you
left me

Before Him

why i didn't stay
to tell you
exactly how i felt
before him
i will never know
half way through
all i thought
was of you
how i'm given
the chance of a life time
one i don't want
to be ruined
by my actions
actions of stupidity
of recklessness
all i want
is the happiness
that i felt
before him

The Fearing

somethings not right
i can feel it in the air
hear the cries
i'm not sure what it is
but it feels like it's him
what is wrong
why am i scared
scared to return to his place
to get my things
a fear that should not be justified
yet it resides
deep in my gut
gnawing
chewing
a fear of returning
to retrieve what is mine

Speechless

i'm overwhelmed
seeing you
holding me
overwhelmed
already missing you
not believing reality
fascinated
by things said
not knowing
what to do next
overwhelmed
by my own emotions
noting the peace
the lack of pain
fascinated
by your smile
the twinkle in your eyes
wanting you back here
not out there driving around
speechless
not knowing what to say
only able to write simple words
in simple form
hoping
you read them
since i am
speechless

Disjointed

disjointed
out of place
somethings not right
feelings escape
wondering
pondering
what this is
feeling out of touch
out of sync
didn't work out
knew it wouldn't
yet the blow
knocked me
disjointed
out of place
trying to locate
the sky from the ground
floundering
shaking
lost in myself
in the world
trying to figure out
the next step
what to do

Unfathomable

i couldn't believe you acted the way you did

in a public place

in front of MY friends

when all i've done is try to be

everything you wanted me to be

i knew better of course

than change for you

but did it anyway

as some sort of cure

maybe i wasn't femine enough

or too lazy with my hair

so that if i were a man would want me

to keep me

but reality is

your just a jerk

who wanted to control me

leave me alone

always looking for a reason to leave

never wanting a permanent home

yet now you are looking for a house

and sent me on my way

funny that you never mentioned this

till just the other day

then last night out of the blue

you showed your true colors

getting mad when some innocent guy

just tryed to say hi

not the kind of hi that would make someone jealous

the kind that was meant as a friendly gesture

and you flipped out

stamped your feet

and walked out of the sun shine