Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Intuition or Fear?

My intuition has successfully predicted events outside of myself on many occasions. I will not list two of the main events, due to internet monitoring that Baby Bush put into effect, but the intuition has always been true for my personal life as well... to a point. By that I mean that I can never tell if that gut feeling that a relationship is on the rocks or that something really awesome is about to happen to me is true intuition or fear or wishful thinking.

There may be some reason for this. First, I have an overactive imagination and can dream up every possible bad thing that can happen due to one action by myself. Yeah, I'm the person visualizing a car screeching through the light as my signal turns from red to green and I enter the intersection, smashing me into the passenger seat, severing my spinal chord... Well, you get the picture. These visions do not have any relevance or truth, however, they take from the validity of true visions. I get confused as to which is true and which is just my overactive imagination.

This brings us to why I even am writing this blog. I keep getting this feeling about my relationship with my boyfriend. You know, who is to say it's not valid. We've had an interesting, if not rough at times, run. But then it could be that I'm fearful of losing this pretty wonderful man. See, there is honestly no way for me to know if it is fear or intuition! I can't trust other people's opinions on this as said opinion is shaded by their on biases as to what they think would be best or what I want to hear.

Maybe this vagueness in my visions and intuitions is for my own good then? Now I can't know exactly what's going to happen.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

What to Do?

I've always done what I think I need to do, no matter the cost. That is, unless the costs are love. I've been asking my long time boyfriend for the extent of our relationship, 3+ years, if he would go with me to X place. His answer, even today, is no. Usually the response would be because he didn't think the instability of our relationship wasn't worth the cost of moving. Now his excuse is worse. He told me that he can not chance not finding a job there!

It's freaking Austin! I know for a fact, he could easily find a job there! I just want the security that he would go with me. I doubt I would even get accepted into their graduate program, even with my unusual interest that will probably be my guarantee that I get in. I'm so confused. Blame this blog post on the Hydrocodone.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Kali's Story (Not the official title!)

“Master of puppets I’m pulling your strings, something, something… Oh shit!”
Kali pulled the steering wheel of her sports car hard to the right and slammed on the brakes. She shoved the car in park, killed the engine, and got out of the car. “What the hell dude? I almost hit you.” Her voice squeaked.
“You really need to chill,” a voice from the front of the silver two-door car, said.
“Chill? You just ran out in front of my fucking car! I could have killed you.” Kali’s voice began to regain strength.
“Well, if you wouldn’t ignore me, I wouldn’t stoop to such measures.”
Kali stepped around her door and looked down on the individual speaking. A large brown and grey jack rabbit with short ears that appeared to have been eaten at stood looking up at her. Smoothing her long bangs back to their place behind her ear, Kali said, “Shit Samuel, I’ve got other shit to do then answer your every call.”
“You know I only call if it’s important. Besides, Diane received the email we’ve been expecting and you haven’t responded to her either.” Samuel was sitting on his hindquarters straightening his fur as he spoke.
“I didn’t get a call from her.” Kali’s eyes darted across the street.
“Yes you have. You’re the worse liar I’ve ever met. Listen; meet me at Diane’s tomorrow, or else…”
“Or else what? I end up with a fate worse than those I put away?” Kali’s eyes rolled up.
“Be there,” Samuel warned as he hopped across the road, shifting from rabbit to cat.
“Damn Lepun!” Kali got back into her car, cranked up her Metallica CD and sped off.
“What was I even doing this road?” She asked herself as she noticed she was far from her normal hangouts. The road was at least ten miles outside of town, nearing the outskirts of Mansfield even. She busted a u-turn and headed back to town.

Kali could not help that Samuel showed up tonight. He actually had been showing up a lot lately. Her family thought he was just friendly stray cat but he was a nuisance. His presence always meant Kali had work to do that only Diane and Niamh would understand. They were there when she got this stupid job. She put away the bad guys. Niamh nicknamed her “God Spawn” because of her prior obsession with the Spawn series on HBO.
Now those days were long passed. The glory was gone. Now it felt like any other job, tedious, interfering with other wants, like to sit on a beach and it not be to watch for sharks. She luckily finished her bachelor’s degree before all this came crashing down on her.
Kali maneuvered her car into the parking lot of the Waffle House. A tall blond man sat in the booth in the corner. His wire-framed glasses kept slipping down his nose.
“Over here!” He exclaimed upon noticing her walk in the door.
He looked at Kali as she moseyed over. Her 5’4” frame was all torso it seemed; breasts, waist, hips. She had legs, but they were nothing compared with the rest! Kali was “thick,” as his friends said, but she had a perfect hourglass shape. Well… her boobs could be bigger, but that brain of hers made up for it.
“Hey Myth! How’s it going?”
“Heard you got a bit lost this evening.” Myth’s grin was more shit eating than not.
“Shut up. What did he tell you?”
“What you havin’ hun?” An older woman with permed hair and too much perfume and make-up asked.
“Coffee, black, and a waffle.” Kali sipped on the water Myth had passed her prior to the waitress’s appearance.
The waitress walked off, occasionally looking back at the two who showed up in that booth periodically.
“Not much, just we might have a lead on Mr. Carter, as Samuel calls him. I prefer ‘dumbass.’” Myth said.
“I prefer ‘douche.’”
Kali snickered as her coffee arrived.
“Whatever dude. All I know now is things are getting nuts. Will you be coming by later?” Myth’s face lit up.
“I don’t know… hmmm” Kali grinned.
Diane walked into the Waffle House. “Hey!”
Diane’s blond hair was to her waist. She was built like a short opera singer but walked in her pink stilettos like a runway model. The waitress rolled her eyes as Diane walked to the booth.
“Seriously, why is it always booth 13? You guys are so weird!” Diane flipped her hair over her shoulder.
“Says the woman who tracks squirrel for me!” Kali joked.
Diane and Kali met at the University of Texas – Arlington in a German class. “Finkst dien en Knie!” Diane shouted and the entire restaurant turned and stared.
“That’s my job!” Kali replied. “Where’s Niamh?”i
“Ich weise nicht.”
“Enough of the German guys!” Myth knew Spanish, not German.
“Ich habe durchfall!” Kali and Diane shouted simultaneously.
“Lawdy!” Myth could not believe these two!

The food finally arrived and no business was discussed. The group decided they would meet up at Myth’s place for that. Myth’s place was not too far from the Waffle House. His apartment was about 3-4 miles north of the restaurant near River Legacy Park in North Arlington. The group paid their tabs and drove in convoy formation to Myth’s pad, Myth in the lead in his blue sedan, followed by Diane in a maroon BMW, then Kali in her silver Acura Integra. A person on the sidewalk would hear something like “I’m different, random, puppets” as they passed by, with music blasting loudly, all three with their windows down on the temperate evening.
Myth made a sharp left on Green Oaks and Diane and Kali followed suit, Kali being the most cautious of the three. They quickly turned into a poorly lit parking area in a nicer apartment complex with lots of trees and animal sounds coming from the park near the complex. Myth parked in a covered parking area directly in front of his apartment, the girls parked nearby in unmarked parking spots, making sure to lock their cars and secure any valuables. They marched single file up to his third floor apartment. Myth opened the door to a sweet “meow” of a small black cat with a pink sparkly collar.
“Well hello Spit!” Myth said.
“Look who’s up to greet us!” Diane exclaimed.
“I see.” Kali rolled her eyes. As much as she loved the cat, and honestly could not live without her, she sometimes tired of Diane’s enthusiasm.
The trio walked in, making sure not to let the little black cat out the door. As they walked through the door and through the front hall, they passed a Van Gogh print of “Starry Night” and an ancient mirror discolored with age. As they entered the living room, Diane was in awe of Myth’s latest creation. He regularly covered a wall in a large canvas and painted it with a mixture of spray paint and tempra paint. This time it was a street tag of the word “mYth” (as he liked to write it) barely legible unless you knew his style of tagging. It was in shades of blue and yellow. Across from the tagged wall was a print of Homer Simpson as “The Scream.” On an adjacent wall was a poster with the London Underground symbol above the patio door. At an odd angle next to the patio door’s wall, was the fireplace with a movie poster for Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas above it, perfectly centered and level.

Friday, June 12, 2009

I'm Not Greedy

I normally do not have issue with helping people out. However, when I'm down to using my change because I have no funds in the bank and thus down to my last few dollars of change, I can't afford to help anyone. I can barely afford to feed myself! So when my brother-in-law's grandmother passed away, they had to go out of town and needed someone to dog-sit. After the last time I dog sat, with no real expectation of compensation but hoping that they would since that is the normal and nice and generous thing to do, I told my sister I would not do anything for them for free again. My sister called me up this weekend and said they were going to have to go out of town soon, not sure when, but someone would need to watch Shamus and possibly my niece. Well Monday night she called me and said that the grandmother had passed and that they would be leaving Tuesday that I needed to come by and get the key. Mind you my sister lives about 10 minutes south of my boyfriend but pretty much across town from my mom, who I live with. So when my sister calls me I tell her I'll have to get the key after class and she invites me to have a beer with them. I deny the beer as I had plans with my boyfriend that evening. She then told me I would not be doing this for free (again reinstating what she said when she first called me). Well, I drive out of my way to get the key, then go see my bf. Then I have to use more gas cuz her apartment is further from UTA and my job (which is just 5 minutes from UTA) so I have to put more gas in my car than I normally would. I informed my sister of this situation and that I would have to stay at her place while they were away to save gas and insure that the dog got walked the appropriate amount of times a day. She was fine with this. My staying there does not constitute paying me. It was so that I didn't have to use anymore gas than was necessary. I don't mind watching Shamus, he's a good dog and fun to be around, but I just can't afford gas, food, drink, and smokes and look after him, even w/ staying at her house.
Well my sister, brother-in-law, and niece came back this evening, insisting on my meeting with them to give them the key as soon as they got in. Well the problem with that was they didn't know exactly when they were going to get to the apartment and if I went to my boyfriend's I wouldn't leave there till near 11. So I had to change my plans so I could give them their key (which is understandable to an extent). I get there and they do not arrive for at least another hour if not longer, well it was almost 10 when they got in and I didn't bring up money. I listened to their tales of their trip and talked with them. Finally around 11 I pointed out, trying to be discreet about it, that I only had $2.05 to make it til Monday and there was a good chance that I would need gas again before the weekend was up. I'm not going to come out and demand payment. Well needless to say my sister's eventual response was "I'll check my bank account tomorrow and see if I can help you out." Help me out! You said you were going to pay me for this!

When I ask someone to help me out I give them something as a thank you. Whether it's helping me clean my room and thus giving them things of mine that they fancied or giving them cash, I compensate them and thank them for their time. I do not ask to do the same when I help them out, however I have this naive notion that people show their thanks, either in doing something for you in return or through some means of payment (putting gas in your car for giving them a lift, buying you dinner after you helped them with some project, compensating your gas when you drive out of your way to help them, etc). I don't expect people to do like I do, but I hope they will since it's thing called "common courtesy!" However, if the individual says "I'll pay you" that means that should do just that once my services have been rendered. However, if you don't pay me like you say and then tell me you will see if you can "help me out" you are a liar and should never expect me to help you ever again.

Seriously sis, never ask me to help you again! You said you were going to give me some cash, I haven't been stressing about money because I knew you were going to give me money. $10 would be just enough to get me through Monday. $10 doesn't even get 4 gallons of gas so it's not really alot. I know you have a family to take care of, but don't brag that you have $100 left over from your trip then tell me you will have to check to see if you can "help me out." I helped YOU out and you said you would pay me! I wouldn't be this upset if you wouldn't have said you would pay me, I'd be upset, but not raging mad where I want to cry and/or beat your face. I think that if someone helps you out you compensate them in some way, either monetarily or through some food, gas, etc that will benefit them the way you benefited from them.

Ok, I can feel I'm fixing to go off topic. Good night all!