Friday, October 12, 2012

Concerts, Military Moves, and Aspergers

If you don't know, I have Aspergers.  Was finally officially diagnosed about a month into therapy for my PTSD.  When trauma happens in childhood, it can be hard to distinguish between the two.  However, it happened.  The military doesn't have record, and that has helped with our move overseas.  I'm glad, I had a hard enough time with my neuro and GI to get there.  My life long dream has been to be an astronaut and live in Europe, so moving to Germany meets half of that.

So how do concerts fit in?  Well if you know ANYTHING about Aspergers, you know it is on the Autism spectrum and one of the big things is sound.  One thing that has always put me at odds with myself is that if loud noises are music then I'm ok, especially in a concert setting.  I won't get into the almost fight I got into tonight, just that I miss moshpits, they let out a lot of aggression a lot of us Aspies feel, but I have to say there is a big difference between music being super loud and you expect it, and sudden loud sounds.

This move has me so discombobulated that I have even a harder time focusing.  It's become so bad that I let laundry slide for almost 10 days (and even though there are only 2 of us, we produce 2 loads in 4 days!) and slipped up on sweeping.  I hate that this move has me so all over the place that I can't focus more than someone with ADHD and something else that makes you not able to do more than one task at a time and then forget what the next task is.

Aspergers shades everything.  It's always shaded my social interactions, and moving to a completely different culture and the Americans, my supposed brethren, is my biggest hurdle.  I've lived in Colorado, surrounded by military spouses, for almost 3 years, and I can count my friends on less than 2 hands.  And my very first friend here committed suicide 2 months ago on the 14th.  *le sigh* Seriously, I'm so scared of making friends in Germany with American women that I have slacked on my household duties.  I'm freaked out.  I seriously hope that I can meet some not trashy crazy chick when I get there.  Though I have ZERO qualms making friends with the Germans.  I do miss Bert.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Sad News

Seems that I have been getting a lot of sad news lately.  In August I got the dreaded call that my 17 year old cousin had passed.  I still do not have all the details, my understanding is a possible overdose.  Then on September 6th, when I went to email a friend that we were on our way back to Colorado, we had been in Texas for about 4 weeks, I found out she was dead.  It was apparent suicide, and that's another blog post that has proven very difficult to write, but needs to be.  Today, I got a call from my friend that I gave my ferrets to that Polar Bear has passed away.  I gave my ferrets to her because we're moving to Germany, and at the time we were supposed to move to Germany in early September.  She was moving to Tennessee and had the space and the love to care for my babies.  Polar Bear was at least 6 years old, according to his vet, and I just did not feel right putting him the belly of a plane for 14+ hours, even with his buddy Juliet.  With his passing, I know that I did the right thing.  He lived out his last days with kids, playing and having a good old time.  Even today, before he passed, he had been running around being his silly self.  My friend put the babies in their cage so they could eat, and while they ate Juliet started making a ruckus.  They did the usual "Juliet, we're trying to eat" but she just would not stop.  So her adoptive daddy went to the cage and he was gone.

Polar Bear lived a long life for a ferret.  He even out lived his cage mate, Sable, by two years.  In ferret time, that's like us outliving our spouse by 20+ years.  He had many friends and fans.  His friends were all small children and he would let them lift him by his tail, pet his head just a bit too hard, and handle him probably a bit too roughly, and he LOVED every second of it.  He enjoyed all of his time with anyone that would pay him attention.  He touched many lives, especially mine.  He's now over the Rainbow Bridge, dookin it up with his mate, Sable, again.  He really did mourn her when she left us so suddenly December 17, 2010.  She was only 2, but he had bonded with her as if they had been together for decades.  He moped and would not eat at times, pining away for her.  But Polar Bear and I got passed her death together and he helped me deal with my brain being wired funny.  I know Juliet will miss him, but she was a lone ferret before him and she will be ok without him.  Polar Bear thrived on having a companion.  Juliet is apparently already dancing and playing again, though I'm sure her heart is hurting.

They say death comes in threes, I think this is my 3 for now.  I'm still grieving pretty heavily for my friend.  She was my very first friend in Colorado, but like I said, that's a post for another day.  But I think right now, I'm ok for my big move.  Yep, think I'll be ok.  Soon, you, my faithful reader, will hear my thoughts on suicide and the military since my friend was a soldier.  I am going to make a concentrated effort to write much more because I've found it very therapeutic.  Plus, I write better than most of those selling books on Amazon for Kindle at 99 cents each.