I asked some friends to read a thing I was asked to write. What I had to write isn't what this is about. No this is about the responses I got back from my friends that have me counting my blessings and knowing exactly what it is to be humbled in praise.
I often hear from people how they think that I'm cool or awesome, but those words are easily thrown around and besides, I say them all the time! However, hearing that I'm some's rock and other's hero makes me feel a way that I've never felt and that can only be described as humble. I'm not worthy of such praise. I do my best to be there for everyone and give advice that is relevant to a person's situation. I relate it to my own experiences to show why I think it will work. I don't think anything of it and never realized just how much I have apparently helped people. I don't do it for the feeling, I do it cuz I really do love helping people when I can. And the praise I've received has produced a different feeling in me.
I would usually expect a feeling of pride. A feeling that of pride based in the fact that I have helped someone and they like me for it. But this is not pride. I bow my head at the compliments and smile shyly as they comments come to me and say "this is what I'm here for." I even feel like I'm bragging by writing this. But I'm not. I've just never felt humble like this before. It's such a foreign feeling for me, that if I was a robot, my processors would short circuit. (Yes, that's a bad joke right there, you may laugh)
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Things that I Hate (cuz I'm in a bad mood & from a Facebook Status)
Things I hate: totally congested sinuses, people belittling married women without children, ear infections, not answering emails sent over social media when the other person can see you have spent massive amounts of time online since the email was sent, people with kids not wanting to be around people without kids, narrow minded bigots, hormones, zombies...
... people thinking any part of a vague status such as this one is about them and then makes a scene in the comments, people that think every comment people make on Twitter is about them, paranoid freaks, Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber fans (except Kellie), malt liquor, the Saw movies, the bubonic plague, dog farts, the smell of my neighbors' cigarette smoke in my condo, mayonnaise, sour cream, people who think their spouse going on a week long business trip is the same as my husband being deployed, passing a semi-trunk of Fountain Blvd...
... people who say they're fat when really they need to gain weight, fat people that dress like they're skinny, finding ferret poop on the carpet though I've watched their every move, politicians trying to convince people that the other side is completely wrong, marshmallows unless they're in cereal, liver and onions, mustard, people believing a known liar when they come to them with a rumor, He-Man, girlie things...
... a limp dead-fish handshake, the smell of vinegar, people who make horrific accusations about things they have no clue about and without getting all the facts, most strippers, the lack of alcohol & smokes in cartoons now, Disney remakes of classics, the spin off movies from Disney classics like the Tinkerbell movies *shudder*, people who are convinced that their parents treated one of their siblings better than them when in reality they were the one being "spoiled", pick pockets, video games with absolutely NO controls tutorials at the very beginning, self-righteous hypocrites...
... anyone who believes an eye for an eye, eye boogers, bloody noses, the sheer ignorance of the general public, main stream media (for the most part), incompetent bastards, being so far from my nieces and nephews, being so far away from my husband, the changes to all my fave toys from the 80s, jokes that go over my head, people who claim that they never get sad or upset, people who constantly tell me how strong I am, cinnamon flavored candies...
I'm sure I can add to this later
Monday, October 4, 2010
The Answer to Your Question is:
I've been getting a lot of questions about what's my secret to my weight loss.... Well folks, it's really not a secret. While I was in college, the first couple years I didn't exercise other than walking from my car to my classes and I ate fast food often. When I got to almost 190 lbs in 2008 I knew something had to be done quick as I weighed as much as my mom for the first time ever in my life. I did start off with a strict diet for the first 6 months of this journey, but I've lost most of the weight doing the little things that everyone can do to make themselves healthier and in the end make themselves lighter.
Here are the basic things to remember, and that we hear from doctors and the news repeatedly:
1) drink WATER! Most people don't drink anywhere near enough and they consume beverages such as soda in abundance. Diet soda doesn't help as the sweet flavor triggers things in your brain to make you crave REAL sugar and many people who drink diet soda end up overeating. In addition, the carbonation in soda makes you bloated and the high sodium of all sodas make you retain water. Water helps curb cravings and usually when you feel hungry it's because you're actually dehydrated. Drink 8-16 oz of water and if after that you're still hungry, eat something light.
2) Don't eat meat at every meal! I know, it sounds bizarre. However, most people eat too much meat and it's usually heavily processed. If you substitute a vegan meat substitute for at least one meal a day, you will see immediate results, usually in how you overall feel. I recommend trying the Morning Star "Chik'n" Nuggets or using their "crumblers" as a substitute for ground meat in things like hamburger helpers or in tacos. You just season it like you would hamburger meat.
3) Eat your veggies & fruit! They're not only good for you, but they contain water and are usually low calorie. Just make sure you don't slather them in butter or cheese as that counteracts the nutritional value of the veggies. Broccoli with a vegan cheese substitute is actually a good option and tastes great too!
4) Move! Even if you don't have time to do an actual workout, move. I will do things like overhand claps, jumping jacks, crunches, or walking or running up and down the stairs at random times. If you take a few minutes periodically through out the day, you end up exercising more than if you wanted to make it to the gym and then don't show up cuz you're tired after a long day.
5) Take a moment to just breath! Take a moment to just stretch. Whether it's just trying to touch your toes or sitting down with legs extended and reaching in front of you, just stretch those muscles and you will feel much better & refreshed. Being stressed out can cause you to hold onto unwanted weight since it produces cortisol, a hormone, that can cause you to hold onto weight and not digest food properly. When we become overly stressed, our bodies divert blood away from our digestive system to allow us to deal with the situation at hand. This causes the body to not process nutrients properly and can cause weight gain.
So really, these aren't secrets. They've been said repeatedly on the news, by tv doctors, and on the internet. It's all about life style changes. I have had only 3 sodas in the last month and I haven't had a donut since like March if not February. I do have a weakness for ice cream, and it can be enjoyed, I just do so in smaller amounts. I'd be lying if I said I don't enjoy a cheeseburger at McDonald's on occasion and will eat some of my fave foods. The key is moderation and to know they are treats. I did totally pig out on pizza last weekend and felt bloated and yucky afterwards, but boy was it good! But did I return to my old eating habits I had in college? No, Monday I went back to my normal eating habits and will remember that pizza with great fondness and may order another one in a month or so. Our favorite guilty food pleasures should be enjoyed seldom. This way they can really be enjoyed and savored.... Mmmmm now I want some fried chicken, and not the vegan variety or the better for you Chick-fil-a stuff either, good ol' fashion greasy fried chicken LOL... I'll just day dream about it cuz I can't splurge for awhile :)
Here are the basic things to remember, and that we hear from doctors and the news repeatedly:
1) drink WATER! Most people don't drink anywhere near enough and they consume beverages such as soda in abundance. Diet soda doesn't help as the sweet flavor triggers things in your brain to make you crave REAL sugar and many people who drink diet soda end up overeating. In addition, the carbonation in soda makes you bloated and the high sodium of all sodas make you retain water. Water helps curb cravings and usually when you feel hungry it's because you're actually dehydrated. Drink 8-16 oz of water and if after that you're still hungry, eat something light.
2) Don't eat meat at every meal! I know, it sounds bizarre. However, most people eat too much meat and it's usually heavily processed. If you substitute a vegan meat substitute for at least one meal a day, you will see immediate results, usually in how you overall feel. I recommend trying the Morning Star "Chik'n" Nuggets or using their "crumblers" as a substitute for ground meat in things like hamburger helpers or in tacos. You just season it like you would hamburger meat.
3) Eat your veggies & fruit! They're not only good for you, but they contain water and are usually low calorie. Just make sure you don't slather them in butter or cheese as that counteracts the nutritional value of the veggies. Broccoli with a vegan cheese substitute is actually a good option and tastes great too!
4) Move! Even if you don't have time to do an actual workout, move. I will do things like overhand claps, jumping jacks, crunches, or walking or running up and down the stairs at random times. If you take a few minutes periodically through out the day, you end up exercising more than if you wanted to make it to the gym and then don't show up cuz you're tired after a long day.
5) Take a moment to just breath! Take a moment to just stretch. Whether it's just trying to touch your toes or sitting down with legs extended and reaching in front of you, just stretch those muscles and you will feel much better & refreshed. Being stressed out can cause you to hold onto unwanted weight since it produces cortisol, a hormone, that can cause you to hold onto weight and not digest food properly. When we become overly stressed, our bodies divert blood away from our digestive system to allow us to deal with the situation at hand. This causes the body to not process nutrients properly and can cause weight gain.
So really, these aren't secrets. They've been said repeatedly on the news, by tv doctors, and on the internet. It's all about life style changes. I have had only 3 sodas in the last month and I haven't had a donut since like March if not February. I do have a weakness for ice cream, and it can be enjoyed, I just do so in smaller amounts. I'd be lying if I said I don't enjoy a cheeseburger at McDonald's on occasion and will eat some of my fave foods. The key is moderation and to know they are treats. I did totally pig out on pizza last weekend and felt bloated and yucky afterwards, but boy was it good! But did I return to my old eating habits I had in college? No, Monday I went back to my normal eating habits and will remember that pizza with great fondness and may order another one in a month or so. Our favorite guilty food pleasures should be enjoyed seldom. This way they can really be enjoyed and savored.... Mmmmm now I want some fried chicken, and not the vegan variety or the better for you Chick-fil-a stuff either, good ol' fashion greasy fried chicken LOL... I'll just day dream about it cuz I can't splurge for awhile :)
Thursday, September 23, 2010
SQUEEEE
When I first started this blog, I started mostly with my attempts at losing weight and making positive lifestyle choices. Well here we are 2 years later and I have finally got to my first major goal, weight wise, when I first started my lifestyle changes. In October 2008, I weighed over 185 and in 6 months I had lost 15 lbs. It has taken me until now to get below 150 lbs! I am 5'4" and a healthy weight for me is from 130-145. I have a new goal now! I want to reach 140 by my 30th birthday in January. I think 9 lbs in 3 months isn't impossible and I know I can do it.
I'm already seeing changes in how my clothes fit and it's a good thing, though I want someone to explain to me why the sleeves of women's t-shirts are so damn small! I had this problem back in 99 after I got out of the Army (weighing more than I do now). Do they think that women have tiny arms, even if they're skinny? It's so irritating. I really hate having to by larger tops just so my arms aren't having the blood cut off by the sleeves. I have to say having most of your shorts almost fall off is awesome! The only thing keeping them on is my "bubble" butt LOL.
I'm sure I'm going to annoy some to no end with my enthusiasm about the weight loss and the leaning of my body, but I haven't been so stoked and motivated!
I'm already seeing changes in how my clothes fit and it's a good thing, though I want someone to explain to me why the sleeves of women's t-shirts are so damn small! I had this problem back in 99 after I got out of the Army (weighing more than I do now). Do they think that women have tiny arms, even if they're skinny? It's so irritating. I really hate having to by larger tops just so my arms aren't having the blood cut off by the sleeves. I have to say having most of your shorts almost fall off is awesome! The only thing keeping them on is my "bubble" butt LOL.
I'm sure I'm going to annoy some to no end with my enthusiasm about the weight loss and the leaning of my body, but I haven't been so stoked and motivated!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Day 47
I just noticed I haven't posted in awhile and I'm sorry. I've just been going about life as close to normal as I can. I've been working out and trying to get down to weight but it seems the more I try, the more I see nothing on the scale or the tape, yet I can see that my abs are getting flatter... Oh well. I haven't had a soda in 3 days now. Yes, I do have a Red Bull in the morning, but hey, a girl needs her B vitamins and the caffeine! I've been drinking LOTS of water and eating well. Most of my diet is either vegetarian or health food. I do treat myself to something not so good for me, but it's not all the time. I do love me a cheeseburger on occasion lol.
I do have to say that Skype is so awesome! Getting to see my hubby brings me so much joy and helps the days without hearing from him a bit easier to deal with. I'm pretty sure he'll be proud of my keeping up the work out. I have say I did take a break from it when all the drama started happening but I think exercising is helping me deal with stress of it all. I'm already seeing an improvement in my stress induced stomach issues and in the hair loss. That is always good, but I am tired of the hair in my brush...
Well, not really much else to say, it's lunch time & I'm starved and I've got a ferret running around like a crazed loon.
I do have to say that Skype is so awesome! Getting to see my hubby brings me so much joy and helps the days without hearing from him a bit easier to deal with. I'm pretty sure he'll be proud of my keeping up the work out. I have say I did take a break from it when all the drama started happening but I think exercising is helping me deal with stress of it all. I'm already seeing an improvement in my stress induced stomach issues and in the hair loss. That is always good, but I am tired of the hair in my brush...
Well, not really much else to say, it's lunch time & I'm starved and I've got a ferret running around like a crazed loon.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Sleep Brings Perspective
After sleep and some beer last night and the help of many good friends, I'm doing much better today and I'm reminded of what I tell myself every time I get down about things that happen in my life. No matter what I'm going through, there is always someone who has it worse. When I am short on cash, there is a person that lost their job and is now homeless desperately seeking a place to stay and a new job. When I miss my husband, someone has lost theirs. When my health is poor, there is someone who is battling a terrible disease or does not have access to any health care. When I am battling with my emotions that come naturally to anyone in my position, someone else is battling a chemical imbalance that causes them not to be able to control their emotions. When I think my friends are ignoring me, there is someone in a war zone or in training who really is being ignored by those they thought were friends and family. When I yearn for having children, there is a couple that has tried and failed, whether they have fertility issues or have lost a child. When I get upset about the ferrets using the carpet, there is someone who wishes they had a pet to keep them company. When I whine about not being able to go grad school until the Fall of 2011, there is someone who has longed for a college education but cannot go due to financial or family issues.
There are many ways to look at any negative thing that happens, there is always someone going through something worse. We live in a spoiled country. Even our poor have video game systems and get to go to school (of course this does not include the homeless). We have access, even when we have no money, to healthcare. Sure, many go bankrupt due to the expense of using the ER, but they can still go and get taken care of. So many are less fortunate than we are. So many have gone through more than we can imagine. Even I see this, and I have not had an easy life. I've gone through more in one life than many would experience in several life times, but there are still those who have gone through more. There are villages being destroyed and the women raped and children "recruited" into militias. There are families losing their homes due to flood, mud slides, or foreclosure. We are all blessed and should reflect on it in our most difficult moments. It brings perspective to our lives.
P.S. If you comment that many bring things upon themselves, I'll have to delete you from any site that we may be friends on as there are many things that we are born into, things that no amount of precaution on our part that happen, things that happen due to corrupt governments... I could go on. We should not judge those less fortunate than us and reach out to them.
There are many ways to look at any negative thing that happens, there is always someone going through something worse. We live in a spoiled country. Even our poor have video game systems and get to go to school (of course this does not include the homeless). We have access, even when we have no money, to healthcare. Sure, many go bankrupt due to the expense of using the ER, but they can still go and get taken care of. So many are less fortunate than we are. So many have gone through more than we can imagine. Even I see this, and I have not had an easy life. I've gone through more in one life than many would experience in several life times, but there are still those who have gone through more. There are villages being destroyed and the women raped and children "recruited" into militias. There are families losing their homes due to flood, mud slides, or foreclosure. We are all blessed and should reflect on it in our most difficult moments. It brings perspective to our lives.
P.S. If you comment that many bring things upon themselves, I'll have to delete you from any site that we may be friends on as there are many things that we are born into, things that no amount of precaution on our part that happen, things that happen due to corrupt governments... I could go on. We should not judge those less fortunate than us and reach out to them.
The Email Exchange
So the friend I deleted's wife sent me an email through my friend's MySpace account, this is the exchange. I will note that I never finished reading the email I received as I couldn't stand the grammar and spelling.... Here it is, please tell me I wasn't too harsh:
The email I received:
hi this is aunna im sorry to be wrighting u im sure ull erase this and not read it but thats ur choice..... any ways on the situation about u comming is not a good ideal at this time there are things going on that im not going to explain to u thats between me and my husband if he wants to tell u then so be it ............ any ways my trust level with steven is at a -100 ok . it would be better if ur husband was comming it would be a better situation for us and yes that is respect and its not bull shit thats respect my husbend is trying to show me to re build my trust with him its a long process and im so sorry that its an inconveance to u but thats the way life is. im sure u would understand if u lost trust w/ur hubby theres just situations u cannot put ur spouce in when ur trying to fix somthing that has been shaddered ,may be later on in a year or so it wouldent be a problem for u to show up im just saying theres no reson to remove some one when u havent even asked what the prob is or ask why the visit is not recominded at this time. it makes me feel and think theres more to this visit than meeting me and kids for u to act that way and just wright steven off without knowing the details and yes it would probly have been more respectfull if u would have written me and asked about a visit i would all ways respect the oppesets spouce in any situation like if we were to come there steven would respect ur marrage and talk to ur husband about it sence there was a relation ship between the two of u and if u dont under stand what im saying then so be it ..... but that did hurt my husbands feelings how u just wrote him off and a true freand would ask why and not just wright u off. its no skin off my back if u keeped us deleted but for my husband i just wanted u to know that how u did it with wrighting him off was BS and if there was more to this visit than just meeting the family then donot readd us or him to anything because thats how it seems to me.
My response:
Aunna (sorry if I misspelled your name) I don't care WHAT the excuse is. I remember when I was with my ex and Steven had to "sneak" to call me because he was afraid you would be mad and you weren't even married. I'm not a threat. My fuckin husband is in Afghanistan or he would be with me. I didn't even read all the email as I can NOT read such poor spelling and grammar. It gives me a severe headache and I'm sorry, I have more important things to do than give myself a headache due to someone who can't use the built in spell check that comes with your browser and computer. I deleted both of you because I cannot be friends with someone that I can't have contact with because their significant other doesn't trust them with a long time friend. Sadly, this means that I have to hurt my long time friend who has been there when no one else was, even if my spouse was practically dead when I thought no one else was there. Sure, I wasn't married to him then and in a relationship with someone else at the time, but Brandon, my husband and best friend, has always been there, even after I CHEATED on him in 99. Yeah, if ANYONE has a reason to distrust someone, it would be my spouse. I don't know what y'all are going through, and honestly at this time I don't care. I only wanted to see y'all and meet YOU because I knew you had an issue with his friendship with me since the get-go. My husband could die at the hands of a terrorist any day at any time and at no control of anyone because there are people out there that hate this country. My biological father (Steven can tell you about what a louse he is) just got transferred to the prison in Snyder and I would have to go through Lubbock to get back to Colorado. I NEVER, in a million years, thought there would be an issue with meeting in public to meet y'all. And to be perfectly honest, it's not a respect thing. No, it's a control thing on your part. My husband actually encourages me to hang out with my male friends while he's away because he knows they are ONLY friends and that's with me cheating on him! Yeah, take that in, swallow it, digest it, and shit it out. I'm sorry that y'all are going through things, but from where I stand, it's been going on since I started dating my ex and that was over 4 years ago!
Please mind the back story. I've known Steven since 2001. We did date, briefly, in 01 and again in 05. I really don't count 05 since nothing ever happened and well, I kinda knew nothing was going to happen. However, Steven was always there when Brandon couldn't be there via phone or email. When I asked to come visit THEM, I even said in public. I did not ask to see just Steven. I didn't make any suggestion that B was going to be there. I specifically said, multiple times that B was deployed on Facebook and MySpace. I'm pissed even more than I was earlier, starting this morning than I was when Steven told me that I couldn't see them when I asked if I could meet them on my way back to Colorado. Please, tell me I was wrong or right so that I can stop beating myself up over deleting him, but I am pretty much sure I was right. I still haven't finished the email as I really can't finish the first few lines.
Thanks for listening!
The email I received:
hi this is aunna im sorry to be wrighting u im sure ull erase this and not read it but thats ur choice..... any ways on the situation about u comming is not a good ideal at this time there are things going on that im not going to explain to u thats between me and my husband if he wants to tell u then so be it ............ any ways my trust level with steven is at a -100 ok . it would be better if ur husband was comming it would be a better situation for us and yes that is respect and its not bull shit thats respect my husbend is trying to show me to re build my trust with him its a long process and im so sorry that its an inconveance to u but thats the way life is. im sure u would understand if u lost trust w/ur hubby theres just situations u cannot put ur spouce in when ur trying to fix somthing that has been shaddered ,may be later on in a year or so it wouldent be a problem for u to show up im just saying theres no reson to remove some one when u havent even asked what the prob is or ask why the visit is not recominded at this time. it makes me feel and think theres more to this visit than meeting me and kids for u to act that way and just wright steven off without knowing the details and yes it would probly have been more respectfull if u would have written me and asked about a visit i would all ways respect the oppesets spouce in any situation like if we were to come there steven would respect ur marrage and talk to ur husband about it sence there was a relation ship between the two of u and if u dont under stand what im saying then so be it ..... but that did hurt my husbands feelings how u just wrote him off and a true freand would ask why and not just wright u off. its no skin off my back if u keeped us deleted but for my husband i just wanted u to know that how u did it with wrighting him off was BS and if there was more to this visit than just meeting the family then donot readd us or him to anything because thats how it seems to me.
My response:
Aunna (sorry if I misspelled your name) I don't care WHAT the excuse is. I remember when I was with my ex and Steven had to "sneak" to call me because he was afraid you would be mad and you weren't even married. I'm not a threat. My fuckin husband is in Afghanistan or he would be with me. I didn't even read all the email as I can NOT read such poor spelling and grammar. It gives me a severe headache and I'm sorry, I have more important things to do than give myself a headache due to someone who can't use the built in spell check that comes with your browser and computer. I deleted both of you because I cannot be friends with someone that I can't have contact with because their significant other doesn't trust them with a long time friend. Sadly, this means that I have to hurt my long time friend who has been there when no one else was, even if my spouse was practically dead when I thought no one else was there. Sure, I wasn't married to him then and in a relationship with someone else at the time, but Brandon, my husband and best friend, has always been there, even after I CHEATED on him in 99. Yeah, if ANYONE has a reason to distrust someone, it would be my spouse. I don't know what y'all are going through, and honestly at this time I don't care. I only wanted to see y'all and meet YOU because I knew you had an issue with his friendship with me since the get-go. My husband could die at the hands of a terrorist any day at any time and at no control of anyone because there are people out there that hate this country. My biological father (Steven can tell you about what a louse he is) just got transferred to the prison in Snyder and I would have to go through Lubbock to get back to Colorado. I NEVER, in a million years, thought there would be an issue with meeting in public to meet y'all. And to be perfectly honest, it's not a respect thing. No, it's a control thing on your part. My husband actually encourages me to hang out with my male friends while he's away because he knows they are ONLY friends and that's with me cheating on him! Yeah, take that in, swallow it, digest it, and shit it out. I'm sorry that y'all are going through things, but from where I stand, it's been going on since I started dating my ex and that was over 4 years ago!
And despite the anger and hurt I feel, I hope that you can work through what ever it is that y'all are going through and can have a happy and long marriage.
Peace, love, and blessings (despite the very negative feelings I'm feeling towards EVERYONE right now)
Christina WILKS (haven't been a Dunaway in 8 months)
Please mind the back story. I've known Steven since 2001. We did date, briefly, in 01 and again in 05. I really don't count 05 since nothing ever happened and well, I kinda knew nothing was going to happen. However, Steven was always there when Brandon couldn't be there via phone or email. When I asked to come visit THEM, I even said in public. I did not ask to see just Steven. I didn't make any suggestion that B was going to be there. I specifically said, multiple times that B was deployed on Facebook and MySpace. I'm pissed even more than I was earlier, starting this morning than I was when Steven told me that I couldn't see them when I asked if I could meet them on my way back to Colorado. Please, tell me I was wrong or right so that I can stop beating myself up over deleting him, but I am pretty much sure I was right. I still haven't finished the email as I really can't finish the first few lines.
Thanks for listening!
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