Monday, January 23, 2012

I have no room to talk but.........

I have no room to talk but if you are going to say the trauma in your life has shaped you into the confused, fucked up, overly emotional person you are today, please, for the love of all that is holy, make sure that the only trauma in your life is NOT your momma not lovin you enough!  Unless you've gone through MULTIPLE sexual abuses, followed by physical abuse, followed by being stalked WHILE being abused by one of your parents, WHILE being sexually abused still, followed by physical abuse, followed by bullying, followed by adult rape.... oh yeah, this doesn't even cover it..... yet I still act like a sane, rational human while in public.  The only person that has to deal with my regressions is my husband, who is the 2nd most patient human you've ever met, only trumped by my step-dad (who I call Dad), because he is the only person that I TRUST enough to act like this.  I CHOOSE to act like an ADULT in public.  If you are acting like a 3 year old while in public and are my age than maybe you should seek therapy.  I sought it, only because I wasn't acting my AGE in PRIVATE.  I got a grip a long time ago and I'm so sick of seeing people around my age say that DUE to abuse they went through they are sad fucks with no potential.  HELLO! You only had Mummy hit you ONCE with a brush or a rolling pin, get the fuck over it!

To those that don't understand abuse... don't worry, you grew up adjusted and probably HELPED those that were being abused in so many ways overcome what they were going through (Jenny, you helped me growing up more than you'll ever know).  And even those who may have been going through less but still abuse, you helped those going through worse than you.  I know when we were all younger we didn't talk about what was going on at home, but we kind of all knew who was going through hell and who wasn't.  We all affected each other in such great ways, even the bullies helped you develop.  So those who try to say they are weak and feeble for what they went through, go ahead and just off yourself because you obviously have ZERO strength and will die after a paper cut of reality anyways, so finish it.  Do you know after all I've gone through how many times I've attempted suicide? ZERO! Yeah, you heard that right, I've attempted suicide ZERO times.  Do you know why?  Because I knew that suicide is a cowards way out and running away was way easier

Ok, my points have ran out and I'm sure Ive pissed off some folks, good, life goes on

2 comments:

BrokenBirdsBees said...

I love this. I've also been through abuse, physical and verbal. But not as much as you. That's a story for another day.

Not sure if you are following me but I recently got pregnant, and then lost the baby and had a D&C. Also my ferret was just put to sleep. But I still get out of bed each morning and drag my ass to work because I HAVE TO! I have to move on with my life.

Another friend of mine recently got pregnant and with twins. How lucky! She told me has crazy pregnancy hormones or something and wants to kill herself. Ummm what?

She has it sooo hard in life. Fuck if anyways should be putting a shotgun to their head it should be me.

Christina Wilks said...

I must have missed your update about your losses hun and I'm sooooo sorry! My heart goes out to you. I think I would probably bitch slap that girl for that comment and tell her to get fucked, but I'm not always the nicest person when someone steps over the line of appropriate reaction. I have told those seeking pity for slights they may have received over the years my entire life's story just so they got a little perspective. Either they hate me and never speak to me again, or later come to me and say "you know, I want to thank you for setting me straight". As you can imagine, most people would just rather run from that kind of reality. Hang in there hun! *hugs*