Before you start jumping to outrageous conclusions about B, perceive things from his point of view.
Every time we have a good night, whether it's his family here, a night out with friends, or the ball tonight, when we get home, I start a fight. I won't say that it is on purpose. It's not. But, I've never been with a man that has cared as much as him and I've never had someone hold me to my word. So what is that we argue about more than anything? My smoking... I said I was going to quit. And I did, until school got too much to handle and then I picked them up heavily like... well a bad habit. So we get on this beef about it and before you know it I'm pissed off and he's not acknowledging my side of the argument at all. He sees it his way and I see it mine. The real issue is that I refuse to listen to his side or he refuses to listen to mine.
And tonight it started after the ball with a wrestling match, which was fun, until it got too rough for my liking... Though the key here is that I would, on another occasion, flown with the punches. See, our interactions don't change much unless it's on an exceptionally good night...
Am I sabotaging a great thing? Possibly... It wouldn't be the first time... I'm known for it actually... I'm pretty sure that if Gary had survived, I would have ruined that relationship as well since I don't know how to be treated right... I know too many females that allow their men to run all over them. B doesn't do that. Like I said, our only real issue, besides deployment, is my smoking. Sure I've cut down drastically, I said I was quitting and haven't quit... There is a drastic difference between the two... Sigh
Why do I push him away like this? I seriously do start shit when we are having a good night... How do I stop it though? He's leaving soon and the fighting has got to stop... It's not all the time, but it's enough that I now what I'm doing at this point. Someone help me. How do I keep from blowing up when he brings up that one thing that gets me extremely bothered. Honestly, it's the smoking subject that gets me the most upset and leads to fighting... And by fighting I mean me flailing my arms about and raising my voice... Sigh