Just an Update

Well, I'm pretty much settled here in Colorado.  For the most part I'm loving it.  There are things I miss about Texas, like my nieces and nephew.  I miss my friends, but I don't miss most of it, like the drama.  I've got my first of what will end up being many doctor appointments.  I'd normally not go and just tough it out, but I've promised many people that I'd go.  I know that I need to have the ol' brain examined.

Things are good between B and I for the most part.  I think most of any issues we may have stem mostly from my guilt over what happened 10 years ago.  I've really got to forgive myself and move on.  You add in that I'm so far from all I know and am not used to change.  This makes for a sometimes moody Christina.  I cried for the first time today.  I miss the kids more than anything.  I'm scared.  Between my health issues that aren't straight up in the forefront (which makes them easy to forget about at times) and the impending deployment, I'm at a bit of a loss.  I'm used to predictability.  I go by statistics, yet here the statistics aren't proven or solid.  There are too many variables that can affect the outcome of any of it.

I'm making some friends and that's good.  I don't know where everything is here yet though.  I'm also used to being treated like pure shit by men and so I've got my own ways of trying to sabotage a perfectly good thing with words.  Gotta love when you do that...  Man, I swear, I over think things and I make them sound way worse than they really are.  I know one thing I will NOT be saying to the doctor tomorrow, and that is about all my emotional issues.  If they get that info from my medical records at UTA, so be it, but I'm not volunteering that info.  They don't need to know what I used to deal with emotionally since that has no relevance or bearing on what is going on now.  I do know that I do get kinda upset thinking about my own time in the Army being around all these soldiers though.  That is complicated and this blog is not the place for that story.  I'm just glad that I have a couple of outlets for any of my military frustrations, especially at Army Spouse Life.  I still can't talk openly about my frustrations with my own military time.  I just deal with that in my own mind.

I'm just glad that I have B.  You know, even though we've had a couple of weird incidents (one is completely on B, the other completely on me), we're doing well.  I mean, we can sit on the couch and just watch tv and look at each other and it makes things better.  He had a bad day today and yet, looking at me put a smile on his face.  I was just in a mood though today.

Well, I'll definitely be posting what the doctor says and periodic posts on what is going on with that.  I know you guys will be there for me.