Not Happy (warning, there is cursing)

If you read my blog on my baby sister, you knew part of the situation.  Well dad talked with them (baby sis & BIL) the other night and BIL brought out a 7 page "list" of grievances about my mother.  I will not repeat most of it, as it is all pure lies and misrepresentations of the truth.  However, my name is brought up many times in the 7 page discourse.  If I ever see that BIL, I'm punching him in his face.  How can someone so intelligent, be so dumb? (Wait, hasn't my dad said that about me?)  Anywho, basically it boils down to, my baby sis is a lying sack of dog dung and her husband is blind as a bat to believe every word she says.  You put the two together and my mom is accused of everything from being suicidal (constantly) to an abuser, both physically and sexually!!!  Yeah, not happy.  Well dad read their grievances and told them straight up that it was false.  If only I could have been a fly on that wall!!!!  I knew for years that my sister misrepresented reality in her own mind, but I did not realize how truly delusional she truly is until I read the paper BIL typed up.  I mean it's worse than ever!  He even included a list of signs of an abusive personality and said they all were mom (actually, they are all my baby sis)... If it wasn't for Alexia, I'd march over to their home & beat the living shit out of BIL.  

In addition, apparently, I'm the favored child!  Since my BFF & my middle sis planned, paid for, and threw me a graduation and bachelorette party at my parents' home.  They said mom did it!  Talk about two women who are mad!  Mom even said she had nothing to do with either.  My middle sis planned my graduation party and my BFF planned my bachelorette party.  The only thing mom did, besides clean up the house and do a little of this and that, was let us use the house.  Shit, baby sis was even at my bachelorette party and heard that Lauren did it all!  In the list of grievances, they said one of the reasons they did not come to the family gathering/birthday party for me, was they did not want to attend another event where I was praised and my baby sister was excluded.... BITE ME!!!  I do not have it in me to politely put that.  I can't think of a way to express my anger over that without using cuss words and throwing a fist.  I'm fuming.  My baby sis was ALWAYS the favored one.  Sure we never got parties growing up, but my parents did everything for her, they even admit it, especially after Alexia was born.  I FINALLY graduate college, so I want to have the family together to celebrate.  I FINALLY get married, so I want a bachelorette party for my friends to celebrate that.  WTF is wrong with that????  I can't help it the damn bitch never went to college.  I can't help it, she doesn't have the balls to put together her own family get togethers to celebrate her.  Shit, the "birthday" party was more family gathering than party.  We, as a family, wanted to get together and just hang out.  That's part of what is wrong with American culture.  Families don't get together enough and just be together.  I cannot believe they want to use my good fortune as an excuse to be assholes to everyone that's ever done good by them!!!

I'm fuming... I'm raving mad... I want to take a baseball bat upside BIL's head and knock some sense into his fucking brain.  I'm sorry that this is not more diplomatic, as I try to be when I talk about such things, but I'm so mad I could spit fire!

Thanks for listening guys, all these years, whether on here or on MySpace, LiveJournal, and DiaryLand.

From my MySpace Blog

I've been sooooooo busy. Between graduating college, getting married, and now packing for the big move some time soon, I haven't been writing as much. Plus, many of my poems are just rehashes of the same happy sentiments over and over again, no problem with that though :)

I will be posting a list of things for sale in a bulletin soon. I'm not sure if anyone will want any of it, but who knows. I'm going to miss all my Texas friends and family, but I cannot wait to start married life. I feel so lucky to have my honey and after reading through so many journals, poems, random writings, and bits of paper that I've had packed away from over the years, my honey has been that rock over the years. Some of what I've read has upset me, brought back old pains, but has shown me how much I've grown over the years. Some of you have personally seen this growth, others just know me as I am now. I have not always been the rock that many of you see today, especially after some of the things I've read. There were so many entries of how depressed I was or who I was dating at the time or who I was allowing to use me as a doormat. The fact that I made it through all the abuses, the assaults, the drunken stupidity in one piece is a testament to the fact that I am a strong person and have learned from my mistakes, trails, and experiences. I think the most difficult entries to read were those from the 2001. What I went through then can only be compared to the darkest moments of my childhood. I don't remember most of that and I count myself blessed that I don't.

Why then do I keep the old journals? My plan is to use those later as a way to, as accurately as possible, compile my autobiography in hopes of reaching out to young women, and even men, who have gone through some of the same things. I will continue to live by my policy that bad experiences are no excuse for bad behavior.

I love my sweetie, and I miss him something awful. Be safe out there and if you're Arlington side, you need to see me before I leave state.