As the count down to the end of the semester and the inevitable talk continue, things are getting weird around my boyfriend's apartment. The cat tonight thought it was cool to run around for almost the entire night like a crazed fool, stomping on my foot a couple of times. You would think an 7.5 lb cat wouldn't hurt running over your foot, but it does at Mach 5 speeds, trust me. The bf was in a weird mood and played his game all night as I sat on the couch, lonely, well sort of. I was chatting online with my multitude of wonderful friends, both in the real world and in the virtual world. I was also texting B (if you read my WordPress blog, you know who I'm talking about). Anyways, I was looking at a couple of pics from back when we dated briefly when I was in the Army and then the one from when he came to see me, and specifically me, for his 21st birthday. That was a surprise for sure. You know that day was the first time we ever kissed and we'd already known each other for 7 years? That's just crazy. I also can't believe what I'm sharing with all of you. I'm not posting this link for the masses, just my regular readers will see this.
Back to the pics and my thoughts... So I was looking at the pics, along with others from school and my party days, and started remembering that one night. B had come over and we just sat around watching crappy prime time television and talking. As the night progressed, the sitting got closer and before long, a sweet kiss was shared... So as I lay in my twin size bed, at my mom's after a "rousing" night of sitting on my boyfriend's couch trying to amuse myself while he played his stupid game, I got to thinking. I even wrote up a list of topics to talk with him about when we have the talk. I think it's only fair to see where he stands before I just cut things off. I know, though, what his answers will be and expect that the conversation will be the end of the relationship for once and all. No, I'm not going to immediately "hook up" with B. I plan on making sure that we're just as close as we were before and then on top of that I need to get my stupid head on straight. I just can't tell my bf "Hey, I don't things are going anywhere so I'll see you around." That's rude, plus we have 3+ yrs together. I'm just tired of competing with video games and not being "available" enough, what ever the fuck that means. Lord knows if I went 2 hours without texting him, I would be up to no good. He can do it, no problem, though I know he's probably just playing his game or at work. Ugh!
Sorry I'm being so whiny guys. I appreciate everyone's input and honesty. I just need you guys to remind me that I need to have this conversation with my boyfriend and stick to my guns. When it does end, I need you guys to remind me why I left and why it will NEVER work. I now know who my real friends are, and know that you guys won't be telling me later that I'm "disloyal" (what ever that means).