NANO Has Me Writing Again... Kinda

I'm participating in NANO again this year, hopefully doing better than in previous years.  And it's reminded me I need to write more.  I have neglected this and my other blogs.  But there's another reason for that, my back.  I'm so sick and tired of my back hurting all the damn time!  Seriously!  Today, I switched to my old muscle relaxers to get some work done because my new, and better, ones were just not relaxing that muscle in my back that's decided it needs to spasm constantly.  And do the doctors actually do anything for me? No!  I get treated like a pill popper and handed muscle relaxers that barely work.  They don't test for anything and just treat me like I'm out for pain pills.  No, I'm out for a reason why my back has been giving me hell since April!  I'm so frustrated and I'm on the verge of crying again.  I'm so sick of it.  I'm sick of the pain.

And that's not all!  I've been informed that I am lazy because I don't have a job, repeatedly.  This is NOT from my husband, but from other sources.   Yes, I don't have a kid to take care of and yes I have a college degree so you would think there would be no reason for me to be out of work.  Well guess what?  That college degree is one of the reasons I do NOT have a job!!!  And I've been looking for work for well over a year and I'm so sick of not working.  My business isn't doing well and I can't keep my student loans on deferment forever.  I'm so sick of being unemployed.  I WANT a job!  I want to work!  I don't want to sit here in my house day in and day out looking for work and not able to obtain it.  I'm so sick of people making assumptions about why I'm unemployed and then running their mouths about it.  Who are you to judge ME???  And it's even coming back to my husband about how there's no excuse for me not to be working.  Yeah, not cool!  I don't know who's saying what, and I honestly don't care, but I'm sick of it.  So not only am I in pain EVERY day but I've got to deal with douchebags talking shit about me behind my back or to my husband that don't even know what I'm going through or how hard I'm trying.  I've even applied to retail jobs and call centers!  I'm applying to jobs at my work level and below!  I've even applied for jobs outside my field.  I soooooo hope that if I'm friends with someone who knows one of the people talking about my lack of work they will inform these people talking about my lack of job that I am in fact trying.  I've had job interviews but not a job.

Ugh, I'm just frustrated and in pain and sick of hearing about how horrible of a person I am from others