It's Been a Hot Minute

Once again I've neglected this blog, and I do apologize.  Life in Germany has been something... special.  If my poetry I posted earlier this year is any indication, there have been some troubles.  I won't publicly discuss the happening in April, but I'm ok with what happened, and boundaries have been set.  (If you know, you know)

Since being in Germany, I've visited a few places, but not nearly enough.  I finally left Germany earlier in July.  I spent a week in Amsterdam, camping on the east side of town at a place called Camp Zeeburg.  I absolutely LOVED it!  I pitched my tent right by the water and was greeted in the morning by the birds, and one morning a spider.  I explored Amsterdam by foot and public transit, and rode a Dutch style bike (cruiser bike) through a park in Zeeburg.  The entire experience was both spiritually uplifting and physically invigorating.

Waterfront near Zeeburg

What I haven't expressed in this blog, as it's been crazy around these parts, is my shift back to paganism.  Don't preach at me, cuz I will and have out debated both sides of the argument for years.  Anywho!  When I say that Amsterdam was a spiritual trip I am not lying.  Since being in Germany I have found that the old gods are here like you would never believe and I know where our fairy tales come from and why they were written the way they were.  The sight of ravens gathered on snow is one of the most amazing sights you will ever see, if you're not afraid of birds.  Snow weighing down boughs of trees as the sun dances off them is moving.  The entire world is different in those moments.  I'm also in a part of Germany that, way way long ago, was the intersection of the Norse and Celts.  I can tell you that makes for some interesting experiences.  Needless to say, you can't just assume something you are dealing with is one of the things you dealt with back in the States.  You have to research.

I also have had the privilege of meeting some wonderful people who've helped me grow spiritually, both my gifts and my heart, here and I'm so thankful.  Before leaving Colorado, I had the wonderful opportunity to be gifted a few tarot decks and they have helped tremendously in figuring out what I'm dealing with.  I've learned that "evil" is relative and is about perception.  You really have to flex your sensing "muscles" before banishing anything, but always have your guards up.  I've learned the art of wards in a way I never thought possible in Texas.  I've discussed before, maybe not here, the craziness that is Texas on a spiritual level, and this is totally different.  Maybe one day I'll tell the story of how I met Loki or how I met Morrigan back in Texas all those years ago, but I won't go into that now or into the fey, alfar, and elementals that are around here.

I have plans this weekend to visit Rothenburg and in September I'm planning on going to Romania.  I've decided that camping through Europe is the best way for me to go.  Not only is it WAY cheaper than hotels and hostels, but you get to commune with nature, the old trees and waterways that make up the stories we were told as small children, in a way you would never experience staying in a brick and motor building.  When I go to Rome, I've already found a beach front camping site I will use.  Thanks to my experience in Amsterdam, I'm no longer apprehensive of staying near water.  I've learned a way to keep water spirits, which in my experience are the most likely to be nasty and/or evil things.  I can't wait to be on that beach near a city I only fantasized about in Latin class 16 years ago.  To be near a place that is ancient, but no where near as ancient as places just south on the other side of the Mediterranean.

I could go on in length about the beauty that surrounds me, and I will probably go on ad nauseum in future post about just that.  I'm in awe.  My camera can not capture the essence of what I see, even if I had a fancy DSLR.

One last note before I close this post:  I have finally found myself in a position as a leader of a spiritual group.  When I was young, I always knew I had the potential for something like that; however, as I got older, I became lackadaisical, but also apprehensive about being a leader other than in the work place.  I'm afraid I'll give bad information or scare people off with some of my more controversial ideas, i.e. evil being relative and all the fey/alfar stuff, oh and chaos magic and practices.  However, I'm finding that, despite my social issues, people respect me and listen.  This is truly humbling and makes me take pause at exactly what I say and not just pop off with whatever comes to mind.  I also make sure to point out that what I'm saying is unverified personal gnosis (UPG in future posts) so that those I'm talking to know that, though it is my personal experience, there is no historical evidence, at the moment, to verify my beliefs.  I think much of what we call dogma, though one can show passages here and there to prove one's point, is UPG since many ancient, holy texts have repeatedly been mistranslated or the parts people use are taken wholly out of context.  I'm so blessed to live this experience.  And the best part is, B almost literally pushes me out of the house, forcing me to face my fears and social anxieties to overcome them and experience my dream like I would never do before.  I'm finding that I can actually be alone and be happy.  I give that all to him, and a really good friend I met here.

Sad News

Seems that I have been getting a lot of sad news lately.  In August I got the dreaded call that my 17 year old cousin had passed.  I still do not have all the details, my understanding is a possible overdose.  Then on September 6th, when I went to email a friend that we were on our way back to Colorado, we had been in Texas for about 4 weeks, I found out she was dead.  It was apparent suicide, and that's another blog post that has proven very difficult to write, but needs to be.  Today, I got a call from my friend that I gave my ferrets to that Polar Bear has passed away.  I gave my ferrets to her because we're moving to Germany, and at the time we were supposed to move to Germany in early September.  She was moving to Tennessee and had the space and the love to care for my babies.  Polar Bear was at least 6 years old, according to his vet, and I just did not feel right putting him the belly of a plane for 14+ hours, even with his buddy Juliet.  With his passing, I know that I did the right thing.  He lived out his last days with kids, playing and having a good old time.  Even today, before he passed, he had been running around being his silly self.  My friend put the babies in their cage so they could eat, and while they ate Juliet started making a ruckus.  They did the usual "Juliet, we're trying to eat" but she just would not stop.  So her adoptive daddy went to the cage and he was gone.

Polar Bear lived a long life for a ferret.  He even out lived his cage mate, Sable, by two years.  In ferret time, that's like us outliving our spouse by 20+ years.  He had many friends and fans.  His friends were all small children and he would let them lift him by his tail, pet his head just a bit too hard, and handle him probably a bit too roughly, and he LOVED every second of it.  He enjoyed all of his time with anyone that would pay him attention.  He touched many lives, especially mine.  He's now over the Rainbow Bridge, dookin it up with his mate, Sable, again.  He really did mourn her when she left us so suddenly December 17, 2010.  She was only 2, but he had bonded with her as if they had been together for decades.  He moped and would not eat at times, pining away for her.  But Polar Bear and I got passed her death together and he helped me deal with my brain being wired funny.  I know Juliet will miss him, but she was a lone ferret before him and she will be ok without him.  Polar Bear thrived on having a companion.  Juliet is apparently already dancing and playing again, though I'm sure her heart is hurting.

They say death comes in threes, I think this is my 3 for now.  I'm still grieving pretty heavily for my friend.  She was my very first friend in Colorado, but like I said, that's a post for another day.  But I think right now, I'm ok for my big move.  Yep, think I'll be ok.  Soon, you, my faithful reader, will hear my thoughts on suicide and the military since my friend was a soldier.  I am going to make a concentrated effort to write much more because I've found it very therapeutic.  Plus, I write better than most of those selling books on Amazon for Kindle at 99 cents each.

The Email Exchange

So the friend I deleted's wife sent me an email through my friend's MySpace account, this is the exchange.  I will note that I never finished reading the email I received as I couldn't stand the grammar and spelling.... Here it is, please tell me I wasn't too harsh:

The email I received:

hi this is aunna im sorry to be wrighting u im sure ull erase this and not read it but thats ur choice..... any ways on the situation about u comming is not a good ideal at this time there are things going on that im not going to explain to u thats between me and my husband if he wants to tell u then so be it ............ any ways my trust level with steven is at a -100 ok .      it would be better if ur husband was comming it would be a better situation for us   and yes that is respect and its not bull shit  thats respect my husbend is trying to show me to re build my trust with him its a long process and im so sorry that its an inconveance to u but thats the way life is. im sure u would understand  if u lost trust w/ur hubby  theres just situations u cannot put ur spouce in when ur trying to fix somthing that has been shaddered ,may be later on in a year or so it wouldent be a problem for u to show up im just saying theres no reson to remove some one when u havent even asked what the prob is or ask why the visit is not recominded at this time. it makes me feel and think theres more to this visit than meeting me and kids for u to act that way and just wright steven off without knowing the details  and yes it would probly have been more respectfull if u would have written me and asked about a visit i would all ways respect the oppesets spouce in any situation like if we were to come there steven would respect ur marrage and talk to ur husband about it sence there was a relation ship between the two of u and if u dont under stand what im saying then so be it ..... but that did hurt my husbands feelings how u just wrote him off  and a true freand would ask why and not just wright u off.  its no skin off my back if u keeped us deleted but for my husband i just wanted u to know that how u did it with wrighting him off was BS and if there was more to this visit than just meeting the family then donot readd us or him to anything because thats how it seems to me.

My response:


Aunna (sorry if I misspelled your name) I don't care WHAT the excuse is.  I remember when I was with my ex and Steven had to "sneak" to call me because he was afraid you would be mad and you weren't even married.  I'm not a threat.  My fuckin husband is in Afghanistan or he would be with me.  I didn't even read all the email as I can NOT read such poor spelling and grammar.  It gives me a severe headache and I'm sorry, I have more important things to do than give myself a headache due to someone who can't use the built in spell check that comes with your browser and computer.  I deleted both of you because I cannot be friends with someone that I can't have contact with because their significant other doesn't trust them with a long time friend.  Sadly, this means that I have to hurt my long time friend who has been there when no one else was, even if my spouse was practically dead when I thought no one else was there.  Sure, I wasn't married to him then and in a relationship with someone else at the time, but Brandon, my husband and best friend, has always been there, even after I CHEATED on him in 99.  Yeah, if ANYONE has a reason to distrust someone, it would be my spouse.  I don't know what y'all are going through, and honestly at this time I don't care.  I only wanted to see y'all and meet YOU because I knew you had an issue with his friendship with me since the get-go.  My husband could die at the hands of a terrorist any day at any time and at no control of anyone because there are people out there that hate this country.  My biological father (Steven can tell you about what a louse he is) just got transferred to the prison in Snyder and I would have to go through Lubbock to get back to Colorado.  I NEVER, in a million years, thought there would be an issue with meeting in public to meet y'all.  And to be perfectly honest, it's not a respect thing.  No, it's a control thing on your part.  My husband actually encourages me to hang out with my male friends while he's away because he knows they are ONLY friends and that's with me cheating on him!  Yeah, take that in, swallow it, digest it, and shit it out.  I'm sorry that y'all are going through things, but from where I stand, it's been going on since I started dating my ex and that was over 4 years ago!  

And despite the anger and hurt I feel, I hope that you can work through what ever it is that y'all are going through and can have a happy and long marriage.

Peace, love, and blessings (despite the very negative feelings I'm feeling towards EVERYONE right now)

Christina WILKS (haven't been a Dunaway in 8 months)

Please mind the back story.  I've known Steven since 2001.  We did date, briefly, in 01 and again in 05.  I really don't count 05 since nothing ever happened and well, I kinda knew nothing was going to happen.  However, Steven was always there when Brandon couldn't be there via phone or email.  When I asked to come visit THEM, I even said in public.  I did not ask to see just Steven.  I didn't make any suggestion that B was going to be there.  I specifically said, multiple times that B was deployed on Facebook and MySpace.  I'm pissed even more than I was earlier, starting this morning than I was when Steven told me that I couldn't see them when I asked if I could meet them on my way back to Colorado.  Please, tell me I was wrong or right so that I can stop beating myself up over deleting him, but I am pretty much sure I was right.  I still haven't finished the email as I really can't finish the first few lines.


Thanks for listening!

Trust in Marriage

So I have this friend, he's married and has 4 kids, 2 of which are actually his.  I've known him since 2001, almost a decade.  Sure we dated a couple times, but things just never worked out.  Not because he is a bad guy, but because I just wasn't into him like that, despite him being such an awesome guy.  He's been married 4 or 5 yrs now and the entire time his woman (or should I say girl with how she's acting) has never liked me or trusted him to talk to me.  I don't understand why as I am the one that broke up with him both times we dated and both times it was because I just knew it wasn't what I wanted and I knew it wouldn't work out well in the end.  I'm glad I made that decision so long ago, but he's always been one of my best friends.  We have never talked about anything inappropriate when we do talk; however, this girl has never liked us talking.  It was so bad that my friend would sneak to text me, deleting the texts before he got home.  Now, we rarely ever talk, though he's a friend of mine on Facebook and MySpace, because of his wife.  I am planning a trip to Texas and thought that since they live so close to the town that my biological father is now in, I could meet this crazy woman and all their kids so that she can see that I'm not a threat and never was.

However, I got a message from him today asking if B would be with me when I come to Texas.  I informed my friend that no, B's deployed and I would be making the trip by myself.  He then says that it's best that I not come and visit as it's a "respect thing."  I am not sure how that's a respect thing.  I see it as this woman is so distrustful that she's not even willing to meet the woman she's seen as a threat for so long.  I did not say that I wanted only to see him.  I made it perfectly clear I only wanted to see his entire family.  However, this woman has serious trust issues and so, instead of telling my friend what I think of his woman, I said it's cool and dropped it.  But I'm raving mad about this!  I've never done anything for this woman to have a reason to believe that I would try and take her man.  I've never said anything that would make her think this either, however she doesn't trust me or him.

I honestly feel if there is no trust in a relationship, there cannot be a relationship.  Despite what I did over a decade ago, B trusts me.  He knows the reasons behind what happened a decade ago and doesn't hold it against me.  He even encourages me to see and talk to my friends, whether male or female, ex or not.  He knows that if they're an ex, I have no desire to be with them.  We broke up for a reason, and usually distrust is the reason.  Most of my life, all my friends were guys.  Does that mean that I got it on with all of them?  Hell no!  The only ones that I have are the ones that I dated and would never go back to that again... Like I said, we broke up for a reason.  B trusts me completely, and I him.  So how does a person stay in a relationship, get married, have kids, and not trust their spouse?  How does someone stay with someone who does not trust them?

I was with a man who did not trust me.  Some of you know about CR and our rocky relationship.  For those that don't, I'll give you the run down of the 3.5 years for distrust and heartache.  CR and I were fine at first but soon the trust fell out of the relationship because CR couldn't stand me having guy friends.  We broke up the first time because a guy I knew kissed me and I didn't tell him about it.  We got back together a month later, but it was soon evident that he still didn't trust me.  I had a stack of pictures, most from high school and the first couple of years after, sitting on an end table, face down, that I was fixing to put away and he discovered them and became irate that I even had them.  It didn't matter that I hadn't seen most of those people in years or that they were only friends, it was "disrespectful" to him to have pictures of other guys in his apartment.  Excuse me?  I guess there was no trust.  And yes, I did stay with him after that.  When we broke up the 2nd time, it was an escalation of that and other incidents.  Things were so tense between us when we broke up the second time, between my pictures of all my guy friends, to the fact he would get pissed off that I was going out with my girl friends and so I would stay in, but I couldn't stand it.  And of course we got back together after we broke up, but didn't live together that time.  This time, things weren't as tense, but mostly due to the fact that I wouldn't tell him when I hit the bar after hangin at his place, but eventually we did break up a third and final time, not due to trust issues, but due to the fact he wouldn't follow me to grad school.  I will admit that the trust issues were part of it, but we didn't say that.

That story proves that if there is no trust, there can't be a real relationship.  I've broke up with other guys for less, and have broke up with guys because they didn't trust me.  Why I stayed with CR for so long?  I don't know anymore (and we broke up a lil over a year ago), other than I loved the guy even though I knew he was completely wrong for me.  I knew there wasn't anything really there.  I knew that without trust it would never work out, and if he didn't trust me after living with me for 2 yrs, he wasn't ever going to trust me.  But here my friend is in a very long term relationship with a woman that won't let him talk to one of his long time friends.  I wish I could tell her off, but what would that accomplish?  Nothing but a big fight with him and his wife and I'm not going to be the one to tear them apart.  Hopefully, one day, he realizes that he doesn't deserve to be treated like this.  And if you are in a relationship like that, please know that you do NOT deserve that, whatever the reason for the distrust!

I want to complain, but won't

I had to drop B off on post at 3 am this morning and I really wanted to whine about having to be alone for a week.  However, when I got back from dropping him off I saw a buddy of mine on Twitter's heartbreaking tweets about having to drop off her husband at the airport so he could go back to his deployment.  I can't complain.

B's coming back on Sunday and we'll have at least a month together before we start the deployment.  In addition, the deployment, though hard it may be, won't affect us quite like it does other couples.  We spent much of the last 13 years apart, on basically opposite sides of the country.  We have experience in long stretches of time apart.  My heart breaks for those who have never spent more than a weekend apart or less.  They've never had to worry like they do now.  I honestly can't imagine that for myself.  I'm used to being alone but most spouses are not.  I'm used to wondering if he's ok without me.  I'm used to knowing he's thinking of me so far away.  But most people don't know that feeling.  Most people don't know what it's like or how to cope with that sort of thing.  I'm not saying that the deployment is going to be easy for me.  I've gotten used to B's presence and his smell and his constant chatter.  I know he'll be in harms way, but to have experience being apart versus never being apart?  We have that... even with him being in harms way.  I'll never forget when I didn't hear from him for a year and it was due to him almost dying in Alaska.  I was so pissed for the longest I didn't hear from him and when I did, I got pissed at myself for not being more understanding.

Thinking on what some of those I chat with on a regular basis makes me realize how lucky I really have it.  I'm hear for anyone that needs an outlet to vent about the deployment they're going through.  I can give you advice from my experiences being so far from my hubby, though not a deployment...

An important note: all those years apart we spent, we weren't a couple, but really good friends.  However, that doesn't change that he loved me (and has since he was 14) and I loved him.

I Should Stay Caught Up on Blogs: Response to a blog from 3/25

I used to have this best friend who I alienated the first time I ever met them. 17 years later, I alienated them again by not realizing what I did wrong and therefore not saying I'm sorry. I too can't think back to the last 17 years without having a memory of them. I have people ask me all the time about them. The only thing I can say to those who ask is "I don't know, we don't talk anymore" and the person asking then has to ask 50 questions about why we aren't talking and all this other drama. I always say to those "well I'm not entirely sure at this point. I didn't understand even then, but even if I did know exactly why, I wouldn't say, it's none of your business." Yeah, I, Christina Wilks, have learned discretion! I know, it's a miracle! But back to what I was saying... I wish I could see them right now. Actually I think of them more than my new BFF... Well Lauren isn't that new of a BFF, but when you knew your "old" BFF for as long as I did, Lauren is a "new" BFF lol... I'm 700+ miles from everyone I know, trying to make new friends and it makes me think back to high school, etc... Well being married to one of my best friends from high school makes me really think about them. Why my hubby has to ask about them is beyond me. He remembers her, but not my other BFF in high school Crystal Johnson. Ah, high school memories... I remember all the sleep overs, and getting busted drunk by my mom coming back to their place the night before church camp lol... Oh good times were had! Or how about the sad times we shared? We worked through our grief together when tragedy hit way to close to home... We were each others' rock in tough times and, as per my craziness, she was my pillow lol.

Man, I miss you girl... "Bad Ass Senioritas" till we die ;)

I Hate Pity

I have always prided myself on the fact that I keep some things about myself private.  I know that I have a big mouth.  I know that some of you know pretty much my an entire life story.  There are still certain things that I have not said.  Those things have ended with me having a seizure on a stranger's couch and in their bathroom and best friend left drunk and not knowing what to do.  I am so thankful she was there.  If this would have happened while I was at home and alone, there is no telling what would have happened.  However, no one, and I mean no one, except for me, knew that I had seizures.  Well, my mom did, but she thought they ended a long time ago.  I purposely never told anyone when I had episodes, and upon Googling things and some other research, things are a lot worse than I thought.  I have more seizures than even I thought I was having.  My hubby, God bless him, is being supportive, but only as much as he can be from such a distance.  However, he's now making strange comments.  I don't know... It could be the stress of things with his work.  It could be, like with my friends, a sense of disbelief, that I never told anyone about this.  It could also be that suddenly the image of the woman he fell in love with so long ago is completely changed.

I knew that eventually this would happened.  I knew that eventually I would have a seizure that I would have to tell people about.  That finally happened.  Go figure that it would happen after I have access to insurance.  I still have not made it to a doctor.  I will as soon as I move to be with my hubby.  My biggest fear is that my B will no longer want to be with me and definitely not want to reproduce with me.  I have other genetic issues that affect that.  This whole thing has me wanting to cry and curl into a ball and hide.  I'm also really tired, which I always am after a bad episode.  I already have problems with reproducing as it is and this just makes the whole thing worse.

If you have several episodes of blacking out, no alcohol needed, and losing large tracks of time, see a doctor. If you wake up in the middle of the night throwing up, with no reason, see a doctor.  Please.  There is no reason for people to go 29 years, having seizures, and not have relief.  There is no reason for people like me, to sit in silence while we suffer through nights of terror and embarrassment, having to clean up after something we have no idea of why we are cleaning up throw up.  And if you are the spouse or in a relationship with someone that has any of this happens to, when it happens, take them to the hospital.  They may be undiagnosed and need the trip to the ER.  Make it your duty as a friend to know of any underlying conditions of your close friends to know if they need to go to the ER if they behave erratically, within the construct of their normal behavior.

Many times people go years without having a diagnosis of what is actually ailing them.  They are told they are everything from bipolar to hyperchondriac, but in reality there is an underlying condition causing issues.  That is why it is imperative, as their friend, for you to recognize what is normal behavior and what is not.  As a friend, it is also your responsibility to tell your friends if you have any underlying conditions that may require medical attention.  I did not do this and did not get the medical attention that I most likely needed.  I decided, a long time ago, that I wasn't going to tell anyone about this because I HATE pity.  I really do.  And I wasn't about to have people coddle me over this.  I am a normal person.  My brain just functions a bit differently.

OMG!!!

Ok... I'm extremely happy

I can't believe that the man that I would kick to flirt with back when I was 16, cuz I liked him, likes me, and wants to marry me and I am ACTUALLY going to marry him.  I can't believe that he wants to marry me after everything that I've put him through and after everything I've been through.  He knows all I've been through, both good, bad and ugly.  He knows so much about me that the fact he WANTS to marry me (in and of itself) freaks me out.  I can't believe that I actually have my BA in anything, let alone English ( though it was ALWAYS my strongest subject).

The fact that GOOD things are coming about has me so freaked out that I have NO fucking idea how to act.

I love him.  I really do. Despite the fact that I have my own version of cold feet, he still wants to marry me. I'm glad. But then my doubts take over. How in the world can ANYONE really love ME!!!! Seriously.... I am a bitch. I'm a cunt. I'm fucking bi-fucking-sexual for Christ sake. Yet he loves me.  I've been sexually abused.  I have "daddy issues" and my biological mother is a bitch who any sane person would hate.  I love her though, none the less.  She's the female version of Peter Griffin.  Don't just take my word for it, my friends agree.  She doesn't know better than to act the way she does.  Though ignorance is rarely an excuse, I allow it for her.  She is the woman that is half responsible for my presence on this planet.  By horrid biological father is the other half.  My loving honey is one of the reasons that I haven't done something stupid...

But I'm freaking out!!! Who knew that I could get my bachelors in anything?  Who knew that someone would actually marry me?  Who knew that I could accomplish anything that I set my mind to?

I couldn't, I can't.... I'm freaking out

Then I'm wondering why in the world is CR and his friends not showing up in all the usual places.  NONE of them were at the Aesop Rock show.  None have been at the bar on any of the occasions I've been since October.  October was the last time I talked to CR.  I don't care what's goin on with CR but at the same time, it's really weird that they would all suddenly NOT show up at underground hip-hop shows and the bars that they ALL used to run.  This, however, is contrary to what I knew prior to meeting any of them.  Prior, I would go to Cave's and would not meet any of them.  How am I sure you ask? Cuz Tito is a mixed dude with a 'hawk, that's how.  So not seeing any of them at the bar is really fucking weird.  I don't mind the calm, but not seeing any of them is just beyond weird!  It's like going to work every day and then suddenly your boss isn't coming in and the only explanation you get is they're on a different shift, but really they're not cuz you rotate shifts and see that they are never there.  It makes me worry, especially after the last time I ran into any of that crew.  One person told me that don't give two shits what happened to CR and the other told me they were more worried about CR then they were about their speed habit.  I'm not really worried about CR, but I don't want him & his friends avoiding where they would like to hang out (cuz that's where drinks are cheapest and closet to where any of them live) because of me.  I know I have a HUGE ego but not like that.

Ok, I'm much more comfortable that things are going well for me.  I'm really  not used to things going well for me.  If you've read some of my old blogs, you know that not everything has been easy.  But I know that we're all due good things eventually.  I can only hope that those old nightmares will NEVER come true.  That way I can have my "happily ever after" and still live in reality.

Please pray for us.  I know that sounds weird coming from me, however, I am a praying individual.  Please pray for us, especially if you know our complete situation

No Words

I don’t think words

Could ever express

Exactly what goes on

In my mind

I hear how lucky I am

And I can’t express to them

How truly lucky I am

To have you

The one that I’ve hurt

The one that’s heard

Every woe and whine

And is there still

The one that forgave

My mistakes and still

Stayed by my side

And cared

How do you express

How lucky you are

Other than with clichés

Such as blessed

We’re not a cliché

But this is the epitome

Of my love story dreams

And then some

To have the one who truly

Deeply, madly, without a doubt

Loves me, completely

Not just my look

The one who holds onto

Every word, recalls things

I lost somewhere over time

That help console me

I really can’t express

Truly, how lucky I am

Words will always falter

But I am