Farmville - Southwestern items - Sponsored Post

Farmville - Southwestern items - apps.facebook.com

If you're on Farmville, take advantage of this!

sponsored like

Christina Wilks's profile on MyLikes

I want to complain, but won't

I had to drop B off on post at 3 am this morning and I really wanted to whine about having to be alone for a week.  However, when I got back from dropping him off I saw a buddy of mine on Twitter's heartbreaking tweets about having to drop off her husband at the airport so he could go back to his deployment.  I can't complain.

B's coming back on Sunday and we'll have at least a month together before we start the deployment.  In addition, the deployment, though hard it may be, won't affect us quite like it does other couples.  We spent much of the last 13 years apart, on basically opposite sides of the country.  We have experience in long stretches of time apart.  My heart breaks for those who have never spent more than a weekend apart or less.  They've never had to worry like they do now.  I honestly can't imagine that for myself.  I'm used to being alone but most spouses are not.  I'm used to wondering if he's ok without me.  I'm used to knowing he's thinking of me so far away.  But most people don't know that feeling.  Most people don't know what it's like or how to cope with that sort of thing.  I'm not saying that the deployment is going to be easy for me.  I've gotten used to B's presence and his smell and his constant chatter.  I know he'll be in harms way, but to have experience being apart versus never being apart?  We have that... even with him being in harms way.  I'll never forget when I didn't hear from him for a year and it was due to him almost dying in Alaska.  I was so pissed for the longest I didn't hear from him and when I did, I got pissed at myself for not being more understanding.

Thinking on what some of those I chat with on a regular basis makes me realize how lucky I really have it.  I'm hear for anyone that needs an outlet to vent about the deployment they're going through.  I can give you advice from my experiences being so far from my hubby, though not a deployment...

An important note: all those years apart we spent, we weren't a couple, but really good friends.  However, that doesn't change that he loved me (and has since he was 14) and I loved him.

I'm a Wreck

You know, I do have no idea why I am such an emotional wreck, but I am.  I mean, there are the little things that most newly weds irritate them.. the way he comes home and pulls his socks off in a ball and they're all stiff and stinky... or the way his stuff is all over the place instead of in a nice pile in one spot... or when I am cooking and there is food boiling and I'm standing right over it to keep it from sticking or boiling over and he asks "bring me a beer"... yeah, it irritates me a bit, but not to the point of crying.  I really have no clue why I'm so upset.  I called B down to the basement to grab some towels and to nicely ask him to stop asking me to do stuff, like grab him a beer, while I'm in the middle of doing something more important like cook or clean.  I also wanted to apologize for my "attitude" I have had since I woke up.  That should have lasted all of a minute, but it ended up lasting 10-15 minutes because he wouldn't just let me be down there.  He wanted to know what in the world was wrong.  I don't know... It's a combination of things I guess.  I don't have a routine.  I don't have any friends here really (well I have one but she leaves in a couple days).  I don't have a job other than this whole housewife thing.  I have a husband who is leaving in a couple of months for a year.  I have tons of doctors appointments to go to when I'm not doing other things.

I guess I'm more messed up about the combo of no routine and the doctor crap... I don't know...

I Should Stay Caught Up on Blogs: Response to a blog from 3/25

I used to have this best friend who I alienated the first time I ever met them. 17 years later, I alienated them again by not realizing what I did wrong and therefore not saying I'm sorry. I too can't think back to the last 17 years without having a memory of them. I have people ask me all the time about them. The only thing I can say to those who ask is "I don't know, we don't talk anymore" and the person asking then has to ask 50 questions about why we aren't talking and all this other drama. I always say to those "well I'm not entirely sure at this point. I didn't understand even then, but even if I did know exactly why, I wouldn't say, it's none of your business." Yeah, I, Christina Wilks, have learned discretion! I know, it's a miracle! But back to what I was saying... I wish I could see them right now. Actually I think of them more than my new BFF... Well Lauren isn't that new of a BFF, but when you knew your "old" BFF for as long as I did, Lauren is a "new" BFF lol... I'm 700+ miles from everyone I know, trying to make new friends and it makes me think back to high school, etc... Well being married to one of my best friends from high school makes me really think about them. Why my hubby has to ask about them is beyond me. He remembers her, but not my other BFF in high school Crystal Johnson. Ah, high school memories... I remember all the sleep overs, and getting busted drunk by my mom coming back to their place the night before church camp lol... Oh good times were had! Or how about the sad times we shared? We worked through our grief together when tragedy hit way to close to home... We were each others' rock in tough times and, as per my craziness, she was my pillow lol.

Man, I miss you girl... "Bad Ass Senioritas" till we die ;)

Military Spouse Appreciation Give-A-Way through a friend

Welcome to the Blog of an Army Wife: Military Spouse Appreciation Give-A-Way!!!

So my buddy Sara is having a give away on her blog. You should check it out and forward it to anyone you know that meets the give a way requirements :) Thanks guys

Just an Update

Well, I'm pretty much settled here in Colorado.  For the most part I'm loving it.  There are things I miss about Texas, like my nieces and nephew.  I miss my friends, but I don't miss most of it, like the drama.  I've got my first of what will end up being many doctor appointments.  I'd normally not go and just tough it out, but I've promised many people that I'd go.  I know that I need to have the ol' brain examined.

Things are good between B and I for the most part.  I think most of any issues we may have stem mostly from my guilt over what happened 10 years ago.  I've really got to forgive myself and move on.  You add in that I'm so far from all I know and am not used to change.  This makes for a sometimes moody Christina.  I cried for the first time today.  I miss the kids more than anything.  I'm scared.  Between my health issues that aren't straight up in the forefront (which makes them easy to forget about at times) and the impending deployment, I'm at a bit of a loss.  I'm used to predictability.  I go by statistics, yet here the statistics aren't proven or solid.  There are too many variables that can affect the outcome of any of it.

I'm making some friends and that's good.  I don't know where everything is here yet though.  I'm also used to being treated like pure shit by men and so I've got my own ways of trying to sabotage a perfectly good thing with words.  Gotta love when you do that...  Man, I swear, I over think things and I make them sound way worse than they really are.  I know one thing I will NOT be saying to the doctor tomorrow, and that is about all my emotional issues.  If they get that info from my medical records at UTA, so be it, but I'm not volunteering that info.  They don't need to know what I used to deal with emotionally since that has no relevance or bearing on what is going on now.  I do know that I do get kinda upset thinking about my own time in the Army being around all these soldiers though.  That is complicated and this blog is not the place for that story.  I'm just glad that I have a couple of outlets for any of my military frustrations, especially at Army Spouse Life.  I still can't talk openly about my frustrations with my own military time.  I just deal with that in my own mind.

I'm just glad that I have B.  You know, even though we've had a couple of weird incidents (one is completely on B, the other completely on me), we're doing well.  I mean, we can sit on the couch and just watch tv and look at each other and it makes things better.  He had a bad day today and yet, looking at me put a smile on his face.  I was just in a mood though today.

Well, I'll definitely be posting what the doctor says and periodic posts on what is going on with that.  I know you guys will be there for me.

Friendship

I'm normally not the sappy type.  I'm sure Lauren would argue that, but she knows a side of me only one other person knows.  The one other person is why I write.  I won't even mention their name, but they know who they are.  You know, I've had my issues over the years, and this person has been there when no one else was.  I'd forget occasionally, but I always knew and know that that person will give me good advice and has my back.  This person has forced me to face reality more times than any one I know.  They helped me in realizing that self pity gets you know where, when I finally let pity take hold for a period of time.  They were my friend even when I wasn't being friendly.  This person taught me, through both my own trials and their own, that life isn't easy but we wouldn't be who we are if it were.  All those tough times shape us into these adults we are today, all rounded areas, scars, and jagged edges.  Though things won't be easy ahead, we move on.  This person is my best friend and tonight, though they were not here with me, I realized just how much of a friend they'd been.  I've always known and Lauren can attest that I've realized this (cuz we all know how I won't shut up!) quite awhile ago.  But something about talking about friends and the circumstances of this friendship, really made me realize just how lucky I am to have a friend like that.  I'm the happiest girl on the planet right now and know I'm one of the luckiest girls as well.